After record sales of electronic reading devices known as e-readers and electronic books known as e-books, and news that Borders was filing for bankruptcy protection under the suddenly ironic statute known as Chapter 11, it's clear that book publishing is in the midst of it biggest revolution since Gutenberg's invention of the printing press.
It seems inevitable that e-readers and e-books will replace traditional printed books, which means that a library shelf full of aphorisms will soon become obsolete. You can't judge a book by its cover, for instance, when it doesn't have a real cover.
Or, if an e-reader can hold the equivalent of 3,500 books, does that change the meaning of the phrase, "He tried every trick in the (e-)book"?
Instead of book clubs, should these organizations now be called e-book forums? And upon being asked how far you are in a book, is it okay to reply not with a page number or chapter, but by saying, "Forty-two percent of the way"?
Soon-to-be-obsolete book-related phrases will be incomprehensible to today's elementary-school children, who will likely graduate from college without buying a paper-based book. Here are some more phrases that will have to be updated:
Will we be able to describe someone as having "a face like an open book"?
Can we refer to twins as looking like "matching bookends," when there won't be any need for bookends, matching or otherwise?
If you read a lot, will people call you an "e-bookworm"? Could you become "e-book smart"?
Something may not be worth the paper it's printed on; but what about when you're accessing the text on an e-reader that costs $200?
Will future fans of Bob Seger's song, "Turn the Page," understand the point he's making or should he change the title to "Scroll Down the Screen"? Will future fans of the Beatles' "Paperback Writer" demand the song be updated to "Blog Writer"?
When considering selling your car, should you check the e-book value?
If you're completely busy, is your schedule over- e-booked?
Do travel agents (if still in business) e-book your e-tickets?
Does your e-bookkeeper make sure you pay your employees on the e-books?
Can you claim that you run your company by the e-book?
Will crooked accountants cook the e-books?
Does someone who accepts and pays off bets become an e-bookie?
Can prosecutors throw the e-book at a defendant? For that matter, at the end of the new "Hawaii 5-0" episodes, will McGarrett instruct his colleague, to "E-book him, Danno"?
Given China's position in the world, should Americans start reading Mao Tse-tung's "Little Red e-Book"?
Will Episcopalians start praying from the "e-Book of Common Prayer? Will Jews become "the people of the e-Book"?
The implications of the digital age will also impact traditional publishing approaches. You can still attend book readings, but what will the author sign? Your Kindle?
And beyond publishing, will the board of directors of Google — a driving force in digitizing books — suggest that co-founder and new CEO Larry Page change his name to something less old-fashioned-sounding?
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Norman Birnbach, a Marblehead resident, has written previously for Viewpoint.
